If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
