Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize