he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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