he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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