How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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