but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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