why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's like heaven, but drunker
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
