Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize