shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
