If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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