I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
