saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
