I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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