I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
