I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize