those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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