i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
