I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
