I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
