Can i not drive my cunt home
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
