She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
