i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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