Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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