I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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