dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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