So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
