I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
