In the future we'll all be gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
