I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize