i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
