If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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