Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
