I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
