I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
