Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
