I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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