Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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