smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Enjoy the penises
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
