Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
