No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
