Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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