you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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