I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
