to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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