I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
