I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
