Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
