bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need a burrito and a hug.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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