Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
