why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
