they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So. Much. Porn.
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