Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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