I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
