So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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