Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
