all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize