Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
