i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
