oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
