You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
