i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize