Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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