I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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