Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
