Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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