Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
