My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So squirting runs in the family.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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