Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
