we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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