kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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