I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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